So this was something new. This morning while getting ready to leave the house I was brushing my teeth, there was a slight mishap nearly making me late for work. 

I brush my teeth more than the average person as I have a phobia of having nasty breath.  I also drink a shit ton of coffee and if you’ve ever been next to someone who doesn’t really take care of their face; or maybe bushes their teeth just once in the morning and then also drinks a shit ton of coffee and maybe eats some interesting breakfast and also uses a lot of sugar –  THEIR BREATH IS HUMMIN’!! 

I never want to have horrendous breath or hideous teeth, so I work to avoid at all cost.  I brush my teeth in the morning, first thing when I wake up, I brush before I leave for work after a lot of coffee and breakfast.  I brush after each meal and a couple of other times in between (as mentioned I drink a shit ton of coffee) just for good measure.

I’ve been chastised by my dentist to be careful not be a scrubber with my toothbrush or I will end up with no gums.  That is an absolute nightmare inducing notion for me.  Think of it, no gums at all, holy shit!  If you’ve ever noticed in horror films, the characters who really are the creepiest and the scariest have some kind of shit going on with their teeth and mouth.

Not wanting to become grotesque and gum-less, I learned a good trick from one of my dentists.  Hold your toothbrush with only your thumb and pointer finger and brush gently.  He assured me it’s enough, I don’t have to be working on my teeth as if I’m removing old grout from a bathtub.  They always suggest using an electric toothbrush, but I hate them and won’t do it.  So, I stick to the gentle hold method and pretend I’m a fancy person having tea or something.

Back to this morning’s mishap.  As I took the cap off the toothpaste (Crest Complete with Scope) a teeny tiny smatter popped up and INTO MY EYE!!

“My eye! My eye!” I screamed.  Fortunately, I wear contact lenses so there was a small protective barrier, otherwise, who knows.  I could be rocking an eye patch and be on my way to fulfilling my childhood fantasy of being a pirate! 

I rinsed with eye drops.  Brushed my teeth gently and carried on with my day explaining numerous times that, “No, I do not have pink eye, there was a toothpaste mishap.”  I was not late for work.